Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
