How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
