I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
