I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
kristin has been a bad kristin
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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