Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
