drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
We named our party play list daddy issues
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
