help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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