so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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