yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
