you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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