awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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