is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
