I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
