im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
His nipple licking is glorious
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
