Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
