i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
