watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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