we have pet lesbian snakes
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
