Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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