If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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