How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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