false alarm. still invincible.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
