This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
last night I used snow as a chaser
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
