Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
nutella sex= disaster
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
