Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
His nipple licking is glorious
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