i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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