god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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