Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
