So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
do herpes really smell.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
