Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
