what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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