I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
