does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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