So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
