flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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