Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She bit a glass in half.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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