It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
