The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
