He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
