Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
