Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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