If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
