You were right. It hurts to walk today.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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