Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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