i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
