We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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