Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
