when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
