Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
