why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
