Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
