you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
