new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
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