Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
try to milk me bitch
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