On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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