I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
