Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
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