Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
