you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
