I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You ate ashes out of my bong
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
