Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you win again, gameday.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
