This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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